Team 7  Oneshots and Miniseries Collection
by Thekk
Summary: A collection of Team 7 Oneshots and Miniseries. Some are General, but most have NaruSasuSaku threesome implied or as the main situation. Ratings very within.


**Jakenpon**

Rating: T

Pairing: None or Naru/Sasu/Saku (Threesome, not triangle). Depends on how much you read into the context.

Summary: Sasuke ponders exactly how he came to be in this situation, but can't find much wrong with it.

A/N: Yeah, I know I was supposed to update DoD today, but this was begging to be written, along with a few other one-shots which I'm working on.

By the way, Jakenpon is the Japanese version of Rock, Paper, Scissors.

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The frog cannot beat the snake. The slug cannot beat the frog. And the snake cannot beat the slug.

It was just a game of Jakenpon.

Funny how that worked out.

I've been in this hospital for three days, staring at the ceiling, pondering just how I got here.

It was just a game of Jakenpon.

---

The battle had been going on for hours. It was two on one, and currently at a stalemate. Some might say that's a bad thing, but it was only the calm before the storm.

"Sakura-chan, run! I'm going to use _that_ jutsu!"

"Right, Naruto!"

Whatever _that _jutsu was, he could take it. He was an avenger, he couldn't lose to this dobe when all the dobe had was love and friendship. He gave all that up for power, and he thought it made him stronger.

Fundamentally, it was true. Naruto could not beat Sasuke in a one-on-one fight. But what Naruto lacked in sheer power, he had with his friends.

He made a long string of hand signs, the combination didn't seem to compute with any jutsu he ever knew of.

Then he made three bunshin of himself.

Then they each transformed into 20 foot tall images of Naruto's Sexy-no-jutsu.

Sasuke wasn't caught off guard in the least, but that's what Naruto wanted.

The dobe was just standing there laughing. He wanted to punch him.

So that's what he did.

And therefore sealed his fate.

---

Hah. I think I'll laugh out loud.

The ceiling tiles are mocking me, with their speckled cork-board pattern.

If only I were allowed kunai I would play connect the dots.

I don't think I'd try to escape. Not after that.

Because I've realized something.

---

The moment his fist connected with Naruto's face, the bimbo-bunshin dissipated.

One smoke pop, two smoke pops, three smoke pops.

Hmm…that last one seemed off.

Ahh, that's it. That last one was Sakura using henge.

His knuckles were barely reaching Naruto's teeth, when Sakura's chakra-infused punch knocked him sideways.

Yeah, he knew he was going to be unconscious within seconds.

The last thing he saw was the fading image of Naruto and Sakura punching their fists together in triumph.

They had it all planned from the start, they knew him better than he knew himself.

---

When I woke up, I was being carried bridal style by the dobe through the gates of Konoha.

And my legs were broken, joyous.

Though, I couldn't bring myself to scowl with my usual fervor.

But I'd never let them see me smile.

Never, not even with the dobe's grin piercing the very heart of my soul.

They had to notice I was awake, now they're gonna start talking to me.

"Aren't you happy Sasuke-kun? We're back in Konoha!"

"After Obaa-chan deals with the Elders, you can move into my apartment. And then Sakura-chan can come too, and it'll be so great!"

"You aren't thinking of leaving us again, Sasuke-kun?"

"To be completely honest, the thought never crossed my mind,"

Aw shit, I said that out loud, didn't I?

---

So here I sit, three days, 12 scoldings, four frightened nurses, two slaps (one from Ino, and another from TenTen) and countless visits from _them_, later.

The scoldings came from the Rookie 9, minus Naruto and Sakura, Team Gai's original three Genin, Hokage-sama, Kakashi (which was more like a glare that said all that needed to be said), and even Iruka-sensei stopped by.

I bit my first nurse, she was stroking my cheek. I blamed it on the meds.

The second was just 'creeped out' by my glaring at inanimate objects. Hey, it was those or her.

The third was punched by Sakura after mentioning out loud that "She shouldn't have to treat a vile traitor like him."

I'm not exactly sure what happened to the fourth one, when I asked what happened, I heard some mumbling about changing bedclothes and nosebleeds. I chose not to ask further.

Ino was furious that I put both her teammates in danger, I had no idea Chouji almost died on that mission, but I think I'll buy him barbecue later for killing that Jiroubou…thing.

TenTen had a similar argument, and after our 'talk' I decided Neji needs a new katana and Lee would just get an apology, as he doesn't accept gifts.

Then _they _would come. As often as possible. Even when thrown out, they'd come in through a window, henge'd as nurses, nothing could stop them.

So the nurses and doctors just stopped trying.

I look to my left, and there's Sakura, resting her chin on her arms and kneeling at my bedside. She's fallen asleep with her eyes open, clouded emeralds with their gaze shifted up at me.

And to my right is the dobe. He's asleep _laying halfway in my bed_ with his hand clamped around my knee.

So I relax back into my bed, let my hands casually fall to my sides so they're barely touching each of them, and fall into a deep sleep.

I have my first dream since before the massacre.

It's not a nightmare like what my subconscious usually sends me.

_---_

_We're all seated on a bench, overlooking a pond._

_A frog leaps from lily pad to lily pad as a snake silently sunbathes on a rock._

_Overlooking them both on a cattail is a slug._

_Their arms are around my shoulders and she arches her neck to plant a tiny kiss on my cheek. His hand becomes intertwined with mine._

---

The snake, the slug, and the frog. They keep each other in check.

None can be dominant over both the others.

That's why they work best together.

And when they work together, they are _indomitable._

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If you don't understand the Jakenpon reference, I read an interview with Kishimoto where he states that the way he portrays Team 7 with their respective summons represents a Jakenpon situation.

Frog beats Slug. Slug beats Snake. Snake beats Frog.

I love that and I just had to write something about it.

And just look at the hand signs for Rock, paper, scissors.

Paper looks like a snake's head from a side view.

Rock is like a frog from a side view.

And Scissors has the two antennae of a slug.

Please review and thanks for reading!


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